Thursday, October 12, 2006

Coming of Age

Now that I'm 30 years old, I've taken up doing old lady things. For example, I eat dinner earlier in the day. I watched an episode of "Columbo" this afternoon. I have bought materials to take up knitting. I slipped in the tub this morning and split my forehead open. I suck on cheap hard candy. I have a cat. I am SO on my way to becoming an old lady, right? All I'm missing is a shawl (which is why I'm taking up knitting, honestly), an affinity for painting ceramics and playing bingo, and those sticky, tacky flower stickers that old ladies put on the bottom of their tubs so they have more traction so they don't slip and fall in the tub and subsequently split their heads open. Because not having those stickers results in stuff like this:

Exhibit B

And that is the result of this, which is REALLY the result of not having old lady shower flower stickers in your tub:

Exhibit A

*Photo taken by my favorite not-at-all-gay male nurse, Michael. (Because being a male nurse does not equal being gay.)

That picture looks like it hurts because it hurts.

Here are my various stories I've been sharing with people as to how that happened:

"I fell in the shower...where I keep my axe." (Gracias, Azucar.)

"The take-home lesson is that you shouldn't drink while taking a shower."

"I fell in the shower. In my defense, there were six other people in there with me, and I tripped over one of them. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt."

I really just fell in the tub. I didn't lose consciousness. I got up, felt the blood flowing down my face, grabbed my towel to stop the bleeding, cleaned myself up a bit, got dressed, and went to the kitchen to tell my g-ma that I probably needed stitches. (I hadn't seen the wound by this time.) So she called my mom and made me an ice pack. It hurt like hell, and every muscle in my body was tensing up to do their part in making the hurt go away. They are horrible at their job. They're still horrible at their job. My face is very, very angry at something right now, and I know this because the nerves in my face are screaming. Also, my face is becoming discolored. I'll keep you updated.

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At 00:15, Blogger AzĂșcar said...

That is seriously so gross (but awesome.)

Feel better!

At 10:10, Blogger metamorphose said...

Oh that looks awful. I hope you you're all healed up soon.

At 11:08, Blogger Zannah said...

Please be the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween. It looks hot, regardless. And can I mail you something from Paris to make you feel better?

At 15:34, Blogger Emmie said...

Yikes! At first I thought you'd taken some kind of makeup class, and were showing us your work.

Speedy recovery!

At 21:52, Blogger c jane said...

Yeah, just in time for Halloween. Holy cow that photo is amazing--share with it your photo class for sure.
Hope you feel mo' betta soon, girlfriend.

At 12:38, Blogger ~j. said...

I'm amazed. Awesome. I hope you got some wicked good pain killers.

Cheers to you and the male nurse. Feel better!

At 18:15, Anonymous Audrey said...

Dude... yikes. I am now so glad I listened to my mom and bought that lame little suction cup mat to put in the tub at my new place.

You really pull off stitches well though, I must say. Totally makes you look like a scary bitch. In fact, maybe I should rip off my suction cup mat and see if I can get me some stitches. Then I could quiet the masses of students with a simple stitch-filled glare. Yes!

At 12:26, Blogger wendysue said...

Holy crapola! Thanks from your blogging friends for having your wits about you and asking the nurse to take a picture!! Please dress up and really freak out the kids coming trick or treating!!


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