Monday, February 13, 2006

Over Christmas break, I met this guy who was investigating the LDS church in Ruston. We went out to a movie one day and spent the rest of the evening with a bunch of other friends who were in town for the holiday. He is very nice but EXTREMELY shy, and it was difficult to get much out of him. Then, every time I got online after that, he was ALWAYS THERE, and he wouldn't stop talking to me at all. I had to sign off so I could get some work done. I ended up getting another account because I still wanted to chat with my other friends without him sucking away my sanity. I feel slightly bad about saying this stuff on here because he might read my blog, but last night, I got so over that.

Dear Brent,

I like you, but I will NEVER love you. We can hang out, but you've got to get out of my space.

Carrie

P.S. Just because I'm saying this does not mean the church isn't true.


Last night was the first time I'd heard from him in weeks. He sounded really needy, as usual, and all but demanded my personal attention this week. The following transcript is the text conversation we had well into the early morning hours.

Brent: Hey carrie
B: I need to talk to you
Carrie: What’s shakin’?
B: Not much. I miss you. Can I hang out with you sometime this week please
B: And please take me to church with you this Sunday
C: Brent, I am crazy busy this semester. I can’t hang out with anyone during the week. You can come to church here if you want to, but I leave immediately to go to my class in Ruston.
B: I just don’t feel welcome anywhere anymore
C: What are you talking about?
B: Im not sure exactly. I don’t go to church anymore
C: Why not? What’s happening?
B: Im not really sure. A while after I didn’t get baptized everyone stopped talking to me
C: Not going to church doesn’t really help that, you know. Are you sure that’s all?
B: I believe so. Maybe they don’t like me? What else could it be?
C: People just don’t dislike someone without a reason, so unless you have given a reason, it’s probably something else.
B: I don’t know what it is tho. But I want to study the gospel with you
C: Brent, I don’t even get to spend time with my very best friends right now except some weekends after tests.
B: Then I just wanna do nothing
B: I hate the church and I want nothing to do with it anymore
C: That’s not going to win friends and influence people.
C: Frankly it’s a bit ridiculous to make the jump, “This girl won’t spend time with me, ergo this church sucks.”
B: I’m sorry
C: I feel like you want me to hold your hand, and that is something I don’t have time for. If you want to learn the gospel then do it.
C: You have to be pro-active if it’s something you want and not blame others when you can’t step up! It sucks energy when you expect others to do for you.
B: Ha I do want you to hold my hand. Im scared to do things by myself. Aah and I would do anything for you.
C: Why do you even say that? You hardly know me. I know you want to get to know me better but these things are off-putting to me. Settle down. I’m busy.
B: Are you afraid to get married?
C: I’m going back to sleep. The only reason I’m up right now is because my grandma is sick to her stomach.
C: I’m not even addressing the marriage question! That’s absurd! I’m talking about you wanting me to hold your hand. You do not know me.
B: Lol I didn’t mean I wanna marry you. I just asked if you are afraid. Cause you are like 29
B: Don’t be mad carrie. I think your diff than a lotta mormons in good ways
C: This is just frustrating because I’m not seeing you make a personal effort. The gospel is personal. You cannot base your testimony on others.
B: I don’t want to base it on yours. I just want to have a friend
C: I’m glad, but I’m still busy and tired and you still have to be pro-active. Do for yourself if you really want it. Otherwise, you’re blowing smoke up my…
C: And you have to be patient.
B: Im sorry. Im just afraid to be alone. I don’t have much confidence in myself
C: You need to go talk to Bishop Anderson about that. He is very wise. And you need to hang out with groups of people. Go back to institute.
C: The more you hang out in large groups the more you will open up. And talk to guys as well as girls.
B: If you were not busy would you let me hang out with you
C: Yes. We all had fun that day.
B: yea but still no one replaces you
B: Lol I am shy around you tho
B: Lol I was shy cause I like you. I didn’t wanna say anything stupid around you
C: This is a little manipulative. I don’t understand why you feel this way, and I take no responsibility for it.
C: I’m going to sleep. Good night.
B: Lol gosh carrie you ar so defensive. I mean its just terrible if someone thinks you are awesome huh :p
B: You are beautiful carrie


Brent does not understand that he is manipulative, that he says uncomfortable and bizarre things, that even though he's being nice by saying I'm awesome and beautiful, it's inappropriate to say when I'm obviously displeased with his behavior, that he is overbearing, that I really do mean that he should hang out with large groups of people and not single out a girl because nobody's ready for that, and that he needs to be honest with everybody about the way he feels about the church. If he has a testimony, then go to church because you know it's true; not because you have a crowd of friends. If you don't believe one precept of the religion, stop pretending and wasting time.

I'm frustrated by this whole situation. Leave comments on what I or Brent should do. Be nice to the boy, though. Or don't...whatever. If he reads, he reads. He'll be pissed off probably, but as I stated earlier, I'm so over it.

12 Comments:

At 19:35, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG... u r like totally mean n crap.. like he totally is in love with u and u r like "die" and that's like.. not coo.. kthx

 
At 20:21, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, I will take choice snippets and interpret them for you :

B: I just don’t feel welcome anywhere anymore

Do I sound suicidal? Are you worried about me yet????

B: Im not really sure. A while after I didn’t get baptized everyone stopped talking to me

May I know weep on your shoulder? Perhaps while copping a feel periodically.

B: I don’t know what it is tho. But I want to study the gospel with you

Seriously, I want to study the gospel, I'm totally in with your religion, now can we do it?

B: I hate the church and I want nothing to do with it anymore

I have bizarre moodswings... if you won't like me back, I'll damn myself! Does this sound suicidal enough yet? Shouldn't you be petting me out of pity by now?

B: Are you afraid to get married?

Sometimes I fish for insecurities, sometimes I look deep and profound to foolish, naive girls who don't know better.

B: Lol I didn’t mean I wanna marry you. I just asked if you are afraid. Cause you are like 29

Now, let me see if I can hurt your feelings, any reaction is a good reaction to a little leech like me.

B: Don’t be mad carrie. I think your diff than a lotta mormons in good ways

Don't be mad, I'm just trying to play on your insecurities while acting like a nice guy.

B: If you were not busy would you let me hang out with you

If I get you to validate me, I'll at least have something, and I'll have you admitting to it.

B: Lol gosh carrie you ar so defensive. I mean its just terrible if someone thinks you are awesome huh :p

Look at how mean you are to the one who likes you sooo much... pathos, it worked for the greeks!

B: You are beautiful carrie

Time to try a different tact! Pity, insults, fishing for insecurities, accusations all seem to have failed... let's try some faux flattery, with just a pinch of desperation!

---------

Just MHO.

 
At 20:27, Blogger Laura said...

Burn! He's just wanting to study your gospel and you're all, "Christ be with you... somewhere else, suckah!"

 
At 22:56, Blogger Kiki said...

You people is crazy!

 
At 23:23, Blogger metamorphose said...

"Christ be with you... somewhere else, suckah!"

Bwha ha ha ha ha! Laura = hilariousness.

Boo to this leech. You seem to be handling the situation quite well, though.

 
At 09:11, Blogger Rachel said...

This totally creeped me out. Don't guys get that the last thing girls want is some needy, simpering boob latched onto our leg?

I think you handled this 100% perfectly and I would suggest you not even give this guy the time of day since he will obviously take any speck of attention and kindness as a profession of your undying love.

But you've gotta love having somebody tell you you're awesome and beautiful, eh? Maybe you could just keep him around for a little ego boost from time to time. I can't believe some of the stuff he said to you! Talk about cajones. He must have to buy XXL pants and a wheelbarrow just to deal with those clackers.

 
At 11:01, Blogger Kiki said...

No, Rachel, I'm pretty sure this guy has no cajones; he's just extremely socially inept. He has NO CLUE that anything he said was overboard. NONE. You would know that about him within seconds of meeting him.

 
At 12:44, Blogger metamorphose said...

"Talk about cajones. He must have to buy XXL pants and a wheelbarrow just to deal with those clackers."

Oh my freaking hilarious!

 
At 16:28, Blogger redlaw said...

creepy...this boy is creepy...and that mental image of the wheelbarrow filled with large clackers ain't helpin'

 
At 17:23, Blogger April said...

I had that happen to me one time in college. The guy was generally nice, but he was also really needy and didn't get when I was annoyed. I shrugged off his advances, which led to him talking about some other girl and asking if I was jealous. The last time I saw him was in a bar, and he was really drunk. I told him to walk a straight line, and he ended up falling into a bunch of stools. Ugh.

Hope this Brent guy leaves you alone after this. I know you don't want to be mean, but sometimes that's the only way to get someone to back off.

 
At 04:03, Blogger miss sarah said...

I'm impressed you were able to be so straightforward with him - I think that's actually hard to do when people come out with manipulative neediness full force. Esp. as LDS, we tend to feel guilty in not always being what we think is the model of compassion. We're so easily guilted into letting people take advantage of our desires to be Christ-like. But allowing someone to perpetuate and propogate their distorted worldviews and inappropriately leech from our own strength is not what the gospel really teaches. If he's choosing to not listen to what you're telling him, that's no one's fault but his own and you're certainly under no obligation to him, moral or otherwise. I've been in similar situations and I don't think I handled them so well . . . I'm so glad I stumbled across this blog and your example. Thanks!

 
At 08:34, Blogger Kiki said...

Yeah, I don't take ess from no one!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home