Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I had a crushing blow to my psyche this week. Slowly, I had been learning that most of the boys I had ever crushed on or loved throughout my lifetime were gay. Wednesday night, I learned that another such crush had come out, so I was sitting on the sofa thinking, "Okay, I think that only leaves the love of my life, Peter*. And I KNOW he's not gay." So I went home later that evening and checked my email, where I found information that also "incriminated" Peter. Distraught, I wrote Peter a wrath-filled email. Long story short, I apparently only fall for homos. I have a HUGE band of gays. I feel like I should change my name to Liza, Barbra, or Tori! (The gays love Tori!) I'm never going to be able to like a guy again without thinking, "Is he gay? He must be gay! I like him." Do you hear me, people?! EVERY GUY I'VE EVER CRUSHED ON OR FALLEN IN LOVE WITH IS GAY!! EVEN PETER! Tonight, I went to dinner with some friends, and B leaned over to me after the effeminate waiter had visited the table, and he asked me, "Have you ever liked our waiter?" Nice!

*Names have been changed.

8 Comments:

At 09:39, Blogger Rachel said...

Well at least the kid that crushed on you all through elementary school didn't turn out to be gay. Talk about a blow to the already weak ego... (Not that that happened to me or anything) Sorry to hear about your band of gay non-lovers. At least you have somebody to shop with!

 
At 11:19, Blogger Kiki said...

yeah...if I LIKED shopping! And actually, few of them are shoppers, now that I think about it.

 
At 15:26, Blogger April said...

You must be related to my friend Cara. She has the exact same problem. She was even telling me last night that as she was dancing with a guy a few weeks ago, she noticed his mix drink and immediately asked him if he was gay. (He claims he wasn't.)

 
At 22:42, Blogger Laura said...

Because I am in The Suck at work, Ben filled me in on this. When he told me, I just wanted to call you up and say, "ME TOO!"

Seriously, the boy before Ben kissed another boy on New Year's... while we were still together!! Ben can say whatever he wants, but he likes Kylie Minogue. We all knows what that means.

Yeah, it means I'm screwed. And not in the good way.

 
At 22:46, Blogger Laura said...

Four minutes later and he's playing one of her songs. And he's CHAIR DANCING to it.


SEE? IT'S A CURSE. WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

 
At 23:11, Anonymous Anonymous said...

FILTHY LIES!!!

Heh, I drink my whiskey... STRAIGHT.


lol -->>

Mein Geschlecht schimpft mich Verräter
Ich bin der Alptraum aller Väter

 
At 23:47, Blogger Kiki said...

Indeed, anonymous. After the dreams and aspirations you have admitted to me, you are a nightmare to everyone...not just fathers!

 
At 00:44, Blogger metamorphose said...

I feel that this is further proof that our team is not going to "win". As in "win", I mean have the most players in the end.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

 

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