Sunday, January 02, 2005

Two thousand four was almost completely uneventful. It’s not that my year was boring. It was an emotional year for me, and by emotional, I do not mean that I cried a lot. I do not cry…very often. I mean that some people did certain things that caused me to fill with raging anger and, um…hate. (That’s a positive word when it comes to these folks.) I was happy during 95% of 2004; don’t get me wrong. I’m a happy individual. I go with the flow. I surround myself with people who make me laugh and lift my spirits. I don’t like to feel sad and angry, and quite frankly, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

So this year, this new year, this 2005 (I just realized that I now get to use a new finger when typing the year.), I have made a list, but this is not a list of normal resolutions that EVERYONE makes. Sure, I want to change the way I eat, have a meaningful workout at least 3 times a week, serve people more unfortunate than I, be less cynical, blah, blah, blah, but this would be a boring email if that’s the kind of junk I was writing. EVERYONE. ALWAYS. has those goals. My list, though, is entitled “Carrie’s Anti-resolutions – 2005”. So, here we go.

1. Limit contact with Double D to twice a month. (She is my dad’s office manager, and she is the nastiest garbage-dump of a person I know. She’s rude and disgusting, and I cannot always avoid her when going to my dad’s office.)

2. Force Double D to quit. (My dad has issues with change or something and won’t fire her, but she must go.)

3. Throw a huge party when she leaves for good.

4. Send her a consolation gift of good-smelling soaps, deodorants, lotions, laundry detergents, FDS, and other hygienic products donated to me because I would never spend money on her. I will also include a guide to good etiquette and public behavior.

5. Flip her off every time I see her on the road after she quits.

6. I will not hurt Dr. Chemistry professor with all of the fun things I get to play with in chemistry lab. I won’t even think about the possibilities, but right now, what’s going through my head is disturbingly amusing.

7. I will not leave a hive of B’s…I mean…bees in his office.

8. I will just let him die a horribly painful death from lung cancer because he is a living, walking, burning cigarette.

9. A little less conversation, a little more action.

10. I will add at least two more TV shows to the list of shows I’ve already been watching.

“2004: The Angry Year” gave me not one, but two nemeses: a rotting woman who leaves stench and hate in her wake, whose very name is the reason why world peace is not an option; and a professor who gets off on beating up on the little kids. This year will bring peace to my angry heart because I refuse to deal with those two people. I’m sure I will still see Dr. Findley in the halls or in chemistry labs, but I will live a hobo’s life in a box under the bridge and eat trash before I take another lab that he is affiliated with.

Good-bye, 2004. Take the dirt bags with you. But please leave Chemistry Boys 1, 2, and 3. I have that anti-resolution 9 to work on.

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