Thursday, October 28, 2004

Since about 8:05 PM this evening, I've been trying to think of a more uncomfortable circumstance than sitting with my old-fashioned grandmother watching a very sexual opening scene of CSI: skin, petting, leather, lingerie, girls kissing girls, toys, etc. Around 8:35 she tried to top that uncomfortable moment by telling me that when she worked as an OR nurse, they used to pull vibrators out of rectums and some kind of pins out of penises all the time. I didn't know whether to throw something and leave or to send her to her room for violating codes 10:335:a and b in the "grandmother/granddaughter relationship act" defined by the landmark case of Wilson v. Wilson in 1969. It basically states that it is unlawful that a grandmother should ever say the words "vibrator" and "rectum" in the same phrase and that "penis" should never ever be uttered by a senior citizen. They should stick to acceptable euphemisms like "hoohah", "whatnot", "inspector", and "subunit". The granddaughter, on the other hand is allowed to say these things because at her age she has raging hormones, desires, and a license to say whatever she damn well pleases.

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