Sunday, May 16, 2004

"Wheeeeeeeereyouwannastart'er?CanIgetafivehundreddollarbill? Afive? Afive? AfivegottafiveherecanIgetasix?Igottasix.How'boutasixandahalf?ASEVENhundreddollarbill! Whowillgohigher..."

I. never. want. to. go. to. another. auction. again. Not because it wasn't interesting, but because now I'm going to have nightmares about an auctioneer following me around telling me what to do really fast, and I will have no clue what the hell he is saying.

At some point this evening, I was thinking that the combination of yuppies and an open bar was becoming one of my favorite sights to see. Later on, I was reminded that drunk people drive me crazy. At the end of the auction, I went to the designated place to pick up some items my dad had bought, and I was stuck in this line of LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, BOISTEROUS PEOPLE! I thought, "If I just hit them, then maybe they'll fall down and go to sleep and shut up." But as I wasn't inebriated and still had control of myself, I just went outside to breathe.

I think that there would be fewer dipsomaniacs in this world if they would realize that there are some who don't drink and who remember the following day what the drunkards did and said the night before. I even remember names! It surprises me that these people, and they are prominent folks here in Monroe, have no shame that they would drink so much in such a public setting and act like complete imbeciles. I understand a 20 year-old college student doing it but not 40 and 50 year-old doctors, architects, auctioneers' wives, etc. You see, they should have grown out of that 20-30 years ago.

Most ridiculous purchase of the night: Ouachita River Spa Package for 6 ladies. This is the description: "Treat yourself and 5 of your closest friends to a day of pampering. Board the KOKOMO and share a champagne toast as the KOKOMO begins a day down the Ouachita River. Then indulge yourselves with individual massages (indeed), facials, pedicures and manicures from the Garden District Spa. Next, enjoy a gourmet lunch and chocolate dessert. Gather on the upper deck for tanning and visiting." Boys and girls, there were two of these packages up for auction tonight. The second one went for $8500. The first? $15,000! I lie not. I wrote the ticket with my own hand. 15,000 damn dollars! Give those people some more booze so they can live through tomorrow.

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