Thursday, April 01, 2004

Names of the day: Ho, Hoare, and Whorton. These names were picked for obvious immature reasons. When I saw them, Butthead's voice popped into my head, "Huh-huh...you said, 'whore'! That was cool. Huh-huh..." Well, Ho is Chinese and the least funny of the three, but it still goes with the whore epithet. While looking through the charts of the people with these names (all women, by the way) I mentioned to my colleagues that they must have had some bad times with names that look like whore; Ho being the exception as the Chinese word for whore is probably different, and Ho doesn't really refer to a lady of the night as much as it is synonymous with bitch. I noticed on the patient information sheets that next to Whorton and Hoare were phonetic spellings of the names in all caps...like they were confirming my immaturity. "Whorton (said WORTON)." "Hoare (pronounced OAR)" I guess maybe I should feel bad because they've obviously been scarred by people like me, but I don't. Anyway, it gives me a good reason to type whore a lot and enjoy the Butthead inside my head.

Listerine is my new crack! I get such a rush when it's in my mouth, and it tingles all over for a while after that. I feel new, fresh, vibrant! I'm more confident when approaching people. Then the effects fade. I need another hit so I can face the public...keep my head up, instead of hiding behind a stick of Orbit gum that goes stale quicker than Fritos in this humid air. Actually, I think Fritos are stale from their inception, but anyway... I'm sometimes rinsing my mouth out 5-6 times a day, especially after eating Fritos. And when I'm in the checkout lines, I'm drawn to buy Listerine Pocket Packs even though I know how vile they really are! What am I doing to myself?! Fritos are disgusting!