Monday, April 05, 2004

Name of the day: Lavockie Jones.

I feel bad for saying that I was churched-out, but today, that's what I was. Twice a year, the LDS Church holds a general conference, where the leaders of the church address all of the members by satellite in 4, 2-hour sessions: 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. They talk about things from staying out of/paying off debt to the sanctity of marriage and family. Well, maybe I wasn't churched-out as much as I was pewed-out. I enjoy going to conference. But after both sessions today, I went with my grandmother to her church to see her choir's production of Handel's Messiah.

I love Handel's oratorio, but I believe it should only be done by trained professionals. You see, Handel has a fun and difficult musical style to sing. He likes people to just sing all over the place in an organised, controlled fashion; a fugue, if you will. Anyway, he's difficult to sing because one must have impeccable pitch control to pull it off. Most volunteer choir members don't have such a thing, and they didn't tonight.

The text for Messiah comes straight out of the Bible, and if you were to read all of the verses that make up this 3 hour+ work, it would take only a few minutes. After sitting in a hard seat for 6 hours, I hardly want to hear some lady sing "He was despised and rejected of men" out of key over and over again. Now I'm not saying the whole thing was bad. When the chorus was singing, it was great.

So now I would like to share with you some of my thoughts from this evening. I will supply the text; all you have to do is make up a tune...any tune will do. Just sing what you read, or it will be no fun. It will just seem like I'm stuttering or repeating myself. If you are tone-deaf, do it anyway. If you've never sung before, it's okay; I'm not recording you. This is going to be a hoot. It's called

karinka's Not-so-messianic Musings in G

My
My butt it hurts
My
My butt
My butt it hurts
It hurts
It hurts my butt.

Why do old people
Old people
Why do old people suck
Suck on cough drops?
Why do old people suck on cough drops?
(cough)
(cough, cough)
Cough drops?
Hard candy!

My dad
Making noise
What is that noise?
What is that crackle?
Crackling noise
My dad is making noise.
What is that crackle?
Crackling noise
Cough drop!

My dad is old!

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
My ass hurts!

Amen!