Thursday, April 29, 2004

Name of the day: Hayven Louise. If someone is going to be trendy by naming her child something that doesn't exist as a name, then don't give her the middle name Louise. I mean, I love my grandmother, too; she's the best. But Mildred won't be part of my child's name. If I want my daughter to be a cheerleader at Neville High School, then maybe I'll consider calling her Mimi (what people actually call my g-ma. "Mildred" is so formal...a name one would use while wearing nice hats during afternoon tea with Louise, Hazel, and Dorothy.)

Histamine is a bitch, y'all! I've had a crappy week due to allergies. I've had enormous headaches everyday, my throat is dry and itchy, I can't stop sneezing, and my eyes are watery. I take stuff to combat it, but the headaches have been sticking around. So I haven't worked that much this week (Being able to miss whenever I don't feel good is a perk of working for my dad.)

There is another reason why I haven't been to work much. My dad has his archery stuff spread out across the room where I do all of my work, preventing me from doing my real job. So I have to invent things to do in the same area where Pushy Amalgam, one of "the sisters", works. I don't like to make idol chitchat with "the sisters". They bug me and they are always bitching about how they weren't satisfied with the customer service somewhere. I would love to send them to France for a while as punishment for being stupid and let them experience a life with NO customer service. They will gripe and complain, and I want to be there when a Frenchie bitch-slaps them.

I'm so rambling right now. I'm writing whatever pops into my head, so I'm just going to quit. Summary: I hate pollen and I want "the sisters" to shut up. The end.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I'm so excited! A friend of mine has to have the wood floors in her house redone, so she has to put everything in storage for several weeks. Her family has this set of drums that I always want to play with whenever I go over there, but their dogs go ape if I go near the drums. I, me, karinka get to keep them in my room while the floors are being redone. I've never really played drums before, and I doubt that I even have the coordination to do it. But these next few weeks, I'm going to give it the good ole college try. It's going to be fun. Any pointers on playing, anyone? I really wish there were enough room in my house to keep their whole music room, but I don't have that kind of space. Schade!

The government is going to start reading blogs to gather intelligence. HA! My blog is surely at the top of their list. I better tone down my rantings.

Name of the day: Elfrick Ashby Twidale.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Working in a dental office does something to a person. I, for example, have acquired a Listerine addiction, and my latest evidence of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is the Crest Spinbrush Pro that my dad received as a "gift" from Crest. Well, he let me have it, and I've been spinbrush pro-ing my teeth ever since. It leaves my teeth clean, smooth and shiny...that after-dental-cleaning feeling. Now that I have my new Spinbrush Pro, I've got to have that feeling ALL.THE.TIME! My toothbrushing has rocketed from at least twice a day to at least 5 times a day. That coupled with my Listerine addiction means that I've got the cleanest mouth and the healthiest gum tissue in Northeast Louisiana, if not the entire world.

Another example of the crazy things working in a dental office does is Muffy O'Connell's waking up in the middle of the night after having dreams of losing teeth. When she wakes up, she immediately wiggles all of her teeth to make sure they aren't loose, and sometimes she thinks they are. But a sleepy Muffy is a crazy Muffy, so she doesn't automatically extract teeth or give herself root canals.

Oh! With my Crest Spinbrush Pro, I was also given a free tube of Crest Whitening Expressions Extreme Herbal Mint. It's a little excessive as a name, but so is my use of it. It's really good.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I was talking to my friend, Lupita, on the phone tonight. She is one of my most favorite people ever, and she knows how to calm my troubled soul, even if she doesn't know that that's what she's doing. We had this conversation that just cracked me up because she is so...guileless sometimes.

Lupita: I have this burning question that has been going through my mind that I've been meaning to ask you because of this thing you do.
Me: (thinking, "Has she been watching me secretly?") Oh?
Lupita: Yes. What does "blog" mean?
Me: (chuckle) Oh...it is short for weblog...like captain's log blah blah blah. It's where I write what's going on in my life so my friends will always know.
Lupita: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!

I won't scribe the rest of the conversation because I don't remember it word for word, but she did say that "blog" makes her think of "snog", only "blogging" is worse than "snogging". So while I've been participating in group blogging, she's been worrying about my soul, reading secretly. Voyeuse! It was a fun conversation, and her mind has been put at ease.

I took a nap this afternoon and later went for a long drive despite high gas prices. That's why I have a job. I feel so much better than I did earlier today, and I feel like I can start the week now...I don't like it, but I can and will.

Man, I am super-bitch today. I just want somebody to hold me and to shut up while they're doing it. Am I asking too much? Any volunteers? No? Okay. *sniff*

I'm glad I took the phone off the hook last night after Mr. Annoying called because he was probably trying to call all night. I woke up at 8:40 AM and put the phone back on the receiver. I turned around and walked maybe 2 paces up the hall, and THE PHONE RANG. AND it was that guy! So night people, when you are up late tonight checking to see if I've written anything else here, call that dumb ****! Wake his ass up.

Okay now I have to settle down and get ready to teach teenage girls to be Christ-like.

It is 1:40 AM, and a man just called complaining about an infection he's had for a few days now. He's been putting a topical and such on it, but it's only getting worse apparently. He wants drugs to "take care of it". What a dumbass?! Several days he's had this and he's waited until EARLY Sunday morning to have something done about it?! I want to go chop of his head to remedy it for him, and his hands so that he can never again call anyone else in the middle of night. I've got his number. Anyone want it so they can give him a buzz around 2 AM tomorrow? 3186142407. There it is.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Name of the day: Stormi Nicole Smith. See Foketrick for commentary on this name. Also, I hope she's a cheerleader, or that was just a waste of time thinking up how to misspell "stormy".

Yesterday I looked up at the calendar, and I remembered that it was Shakespeare's birthday. Immediately I felt a) like a nerd for remembering that it was his birthday and b) like a numb-skull for forgetting my best friend's birthday 2 days before. I think something is seriously wrong with me.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Name of the day: Corneekus. I do have fun at my job.

I'm so glad this week is over because work sucked. It was just long and boring and tedious, and I really hate all of those things. I will rest a lot this weekend. I went to a bookstore to find something to read this weekend, but I got a headache and it was so hot inside the store. So I left without anything to read. I will take suggestions.

I was driving around tonight, and the smell of gardenias in the air was sensational. It is my favorite smell besides myself after getting out of the shower. Oh...wait! I just remembered my real favorite scent...Le male cologne by Jean-Paul Gaultier, aka sex in a bottle. That is definitely my favorite smell, followed by me after showering followed by gardenias. Maybe now I should go take a shower and find the rest of that bottle of JPG a boy gave me a while back to remember him by. I can spray some on my pillow and have sweet dreams! That sounds like a great idea.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I think one of my favorite things is a great song when the music and the feeling and everything culminates in this great climax and you're in a whole other world at that moment. Nothing matters at that moment but the music and the way you're feeling. I think that's called orgasm, and it's wonderful!

Name of the day: Chimera. And she is not an illusion or fabrication of the mind. She is a real patient at our office, but she pronounces it shuh-MEER-uh.

Is it manic of me to not be able to start some days if I can't find my hair mud? Sometimes, I don't really care what my hair looks like, but other times, I WILL NOT leave the house without it. I can't find it this morning. Normally I leave it where I do my hair in the mornings, but the maid always wants to put it somewhere else. And she can never put it in the same place twice...she's like lightening that way. However, I'd never describe her as lightening quick. Ever!

Anyway, these last two weeks have been luxurious as far as being able to find stuff because the maid's been in Guatemala. I haven't enjoyed vacuuming or ironing my clothes, but I think it is sometimes an even swap...vacuuming for being able to know where my stuff is at all times.

Something said last night made me think of a favorite story from my travels with my friend, Yolande. I don't remember what it was, but I have "soul sistah" written on a note in front of my computer. So here goes...

Yolande and I were living in France, and we wanted to take a trip to Spain. We were traveling through the Andalusian region and decided to go to Tarifa one morning. It is a port city that has many boats going back and forth to Morocco everyday. We really didn't have time to go to Morocco, but we were curious to find out how much it would cost to go. A couple of hours later we were in Morocco with a guide at the top of the hill in Tanger. We got out of our taxi, and this vender (who is Arab) was trying to get Yolande (who is from Togo in West Africa)'s attention by saying a bunch of different things in different languages. Finally he spat out, "Hey, soul sistah!" She and I quickly looked at each other and burst into laughter. She thumbed over toward him and rhetorically asked, "Did this dude just call me 'soul sistah'?" It was hilarious and something that you'd probably have had to witness to find the humor, but I still laugh about it periodically. She's my favorite soul sistah evah! We'll always have Tanger, Yolande...and Paris, and Madrid, and Cordoba, and Grenada, and Geneva, and Senegal, and...

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Name of the day: Ja'Larrion LaMont. A brand new unfortunate soul.

My hair is no longer the color "Forbidden". No, in fact it only has a red tinge to it. The new color: Rich Heather. It's the darkest color I've had in my hair for a while, and I'm sporting a cute choppy bob. I like it, but I shall miss my red hair. (moment of silence please)

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I almost killed someone at Subway today. I mean, I go there at least once a week...three times on a good week because it's around the corner from the office, and it's drive-thru. So it's convenient if I want to pick something up quickly and eat in the park or at home in front of my computer like I am right now.

Anyway, I had two cards of stamps to get a free footlong (I always buy a footlong if I go. I eat half for lunch and half for dinner. Mmm... Mom doesn't cook.), and the girl said, "Oh, I'm sorry. These cards don't come from here, so we can't accept them." Apparently they stamp their store address on the back. So I responded, "Well, this is the only Subway I patronize, so these cards came from here whether they're stamped with your location or not." I'm going to do this a different way...
Her: I'm sorry we can't take them.
Me: But I come here to THIS Subway multiple times a week. This is the ONLY Subway I come to. These stamps came from THIS place.
Her: There's nothing I can do.
Me: So I come her often, all of these stamps come from here, and you can't do anything?
Her: (Takes the cards, shuts the window)
Mngr: Yes ma'am, this stamp (She's pointing to the only purple one on the cards) comes from here. These are the only ones I use.
Me: I'm sorry but you are wrong because I just got these (2 white ones) here yesterday. Also check your stamp container right there. What's in there now?
Mngr: Well, I'll throw these out today, and we'll accept your cards.
Me: Thank you. I don't want to raise a stink, but I come here regularly.
Mngr: Sorry about the misunderstanding.

I almost laughed in her face when she told me she only used purple stamps when I could see the white ones in the dispenser to her left. What a dummy!

Prudence McQueen, Muffy O'Connell and I had a moment this morning at the office. We have to have safety trainings regularly, and so Prudence McQueen was wondering when to schedule fire safety.

Prudence McQueen: The fire dept. can even set a fire in the parking lot and teach us how to extinguish it properly.
Muffy O'Connell: Maybe they should set someone on fire to practice that. (All three of us are thinking of volunteering "a sister")
Prudence McQueen: I don't think they train us to stand and watch!

It was a beautiful moment of snorts and cackles. It was my favorite line of the month, that's for sure.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Name of the day: Experience Goodspeed. Isn't this the coolest name ever?! I want it. I'm going to go legally change my name tomorrow. One of my friends, who is tracking her genealogy, has found an ancestor (I forget the relation) with this name. Devon, it is up to you to put that info in the comments section. I'd be interested to know who she is, where she's from, and crap like that.

After work tonight I went to the bookstore to buy The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I've just finished reading it, and I haven't had time to put my thoughts about it together yet. But it is an amazing book. I'm very excited to have our bookclub meeting about it on Thursday.

Ursula Braunstaen, our office manager and one of "the sisters", is also the chairman of a charity auction that is about to take place here. Friday, she had me read over the list of items up for bid and their description. My absolute favorite said this:

"Two and a Half Men. Original TV script autographed by Charlie Sheen and John Cryer. Episode entitled 'An old flame with a new wick'. Need we say more?"

"Umm...yeah! Like, does anyone watch this show anymore? Do normal people even care who John Cryer is? I mean 80s fans do, but do normal people? Why couldn't you get one of Charlie's old crack vials? That would get more than this garbage!"

I have like 5 crushes on people because of their blogs. It's a good thing words don't do it for me. I would be such a hussy.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

I think I'm in love with this guy.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Name of the day: Foketrick Smith. I sometimes wonder where these non-names come from. Some people have tired of the common, everyday names, like Michael and Sarah. It's not like they dislike these names; they just want their Michael or Sarah to stand out from the crowd, hence the inception of krazy spellt Michaels and Sarahs, or Mykals and Ceras.

Other people don't like any of the names that even sound like Mycal or Saruh, so they make up names. This can be done several ways, I guess, but some of the most common are 1) a sweet homogeny of the parents' names. Shawn and Rita might name their daughter Shawnit'a. Ruth and Paul might make a RuPaul. It's easy and fun. Try some for yourselves. What do you get when you cross a Phillip and a Susan?

2) A bag if scrabble tiles. This is my favorite way because not only do you invent new names, but you also introduce new sound combinations into our language. Let's play by scrabble rules...you draw seven random letters, like FCACTSU. There's your kid's name! Your kid is also worth 14 points, which is a great score made even better by placing it on a triple square.

Then there are enigmas, like Foketrick. What the? Where in the world does that come from? What does it mean? Is there a story behind it? Was mama still doing the crack when she just blurted that out? I just don't understand.

So these last few days have been uneventful. I hate Omarosa, from "The Apprentice", and I never want to see her ugly, bitchy mug on TV again. I laughed so hard when the Donald and Erika told her she was a liar, because she is. I hope she never gets another job again now that America knows what kind of person she is. She needs to do her job and leave her "agenda" on the bedside table when she leaves her house in the mornings. Stupid woman.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Name of the day: Dainmium Euclid something. One, I bet whoever named him doesn't know how to pronounce the middle name. Two, is he an element?

Name: Dainmium
Symbol: Dm
Atomic number: 119
Atomic weight: ?
Group number: 1
Period number: 8
Block: s-block

Standard state: solid at 298 K
Color: black metallic
Classification: Metallic

My friend, Zannah, referred me to this page, and told me to hit Ctrl+F on that page. It gave me a text box, and I typed in "Dainmium", and his whole name came up. Well, an abbreviated version. It seems there's not enough space to list the whole name, but this is what is there: POWELL, DAINMIUM EUCLID QUA'DERRICK DE'... Where I saw his name today, I only read Dainmium Euclid Powell. All that other stuff was missing, and rightly so. I get writer's cramp just thinking about it! I heart Zannah!

Mars, bitches!

I was so happy yesterday to learn that in May, Tori Amos is releasing a DVD of the last concert on her last tour, and with that will be a CD of 6 unreleased songs.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Name of the day: Monroe. Not as in where I grew up...but as in a boy's name! It's a stupid name...not for a city, but a kid...and not for a last name, but a first. "Monroe, get out of that street!" "Monroe, go blow your nose, son!" "Monroe, do you know who is yo' daddy?" It sounds dumb, doesn't it?

So these last two days, I've eaten close to my weight in Cadbury creme eggs. I think I'm starting to look like one. Or my boobs are, one. They're bigger anyway. It's a shame that when I lose the cadbury weight, I'll lose those, too. Sigh...

I'm really pist that the president was so inconsiderate addressing the nation during the only show my world stops for. I was in the raunchiest mood this afternoon when I found out that 24 was going to be pushed ALL THE WAY to Sunday because the president had to do whatever he did...make excuses, probably. Anyway...I'm leaving this paragraph because I've calmed down, but I'm getting all worked up again. UGH!! David Palmer is my president!

So, yeah...I wanted to say something else, but ma haine for things Bush does has taken over my thoughts. I guess I'll just close now. Good night.

Oh! This story a guy told in his blog cracks me up.

I think it's funny that someone accessed my blog yesterday by typing this into Google search: "bra that squeaks". Apparently mine is the only site in all of World Wide Webdom that has those words in that sequence. I feel so proud! Though it does make me wonder what that person was looking for. Ah...fetishists!

Monday, April 12, 2004

Name of the day: Dung Le. I think it's obvious that this person is not American, and I told myself that I wouldn't make fun of foreign names. But this one is too good to pass up.

You may recall from fifth grade American history that as immigrants passed through Ellis Island, some of their names were changed to something more American, e.g., Schlemiel became Roberts.

When someone with a name like Dung applies for a visa to come here, our government should help a boy out. We should send the following correspondence or something like it:

Dear Dung,
Your name means 屎 here. We suggest Steve as a healthy alternative. Sign here x_____________, and that is your official U.S. name. Leave the Dung in China.

Sincerely, just trying to give a guy a break,
US.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Well, I made my first impulse buy in months, maybe even years, today. I was chatting with Llew this afternoon, when I remembered that the Pixies would be performing in Atlanta in October. So I asked her when tickets would go on sale. She informed me that they already had, so I looked at Ticketmaster and found a ticket. She talked me into buying it, and I did. So in October I will go all the way to Atlanta to see the Pixies, but that is a definite perk.

Other perks:
Actually meeting Llew face-to-face (I'm so excited!)
Exploring Atlanta with her, thereby having a blast
Getting out of town
Leaving parents
Having something to blog about
Rekindling former crushes had on Pixies members
Renewed desire to listen to my Pixies cds
Being in my baseball Mecca
mmm...Johnny Estrada...
Replenishing the dried concert-well
My mom's sick of listening to Tori almost every time she gets in my car. When she hears the Pixies, she'll be begging for me to put Tori back in.
mmm...Johnny Estrada...

Happy Easter, everybody!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Name of the day: Phelisiana.

"Konichiwa, bitches!" I have nothing to say. The last two days have been completely uneventful.

Friday, April 09, 2004

A friend sent me this this morning:

Worst Small Cities for Crime
1. Topeka, KS
Topeka has the highest rate of property crime among cities with fewer than 200,000 residents. The rates of larceny and robbery are especially high.

2. Pine Bluff, AR
Pine Bluff has a high rate of murder and the ninth-highest rate of robbery in the nation.

3. Monroe, LA
Monroe suffers from significant property and violent crime, especially assault and larceny.

4. Alexandria, LA
Alexandria has the fourth-highest violent crime rate in the nation. Murder and assault are a problem, in particular, but the rate of forcible rape is low.

5. Florence, SC
Assault and larceny rates are high in Florence, but the murder rate is low.


It comes from this article.

Name of the day: Reponza (re PON za). But at the office we call her Repunzel.

I've added a new blog to the list over there, but I have one teeny, tiny problem that is probably just me. Unless I change my resolution to 1024 x 768, an annoying one IMO, the right border of his page cuts off the last letter of every link in his right-most column. So I think HE should change HIS resolution to 800 x 600 and fix it. I'm just sayin...

I love having days off. I stayed up 'til 4:40ish AM, and today I can do whatever I want. Right now, I think I'm going to go back to bed and add to the 4hours of sleep I've had.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Name of the day: Elisca. I don't know...it sounds like medicine to me.

I need to change one thing I wrote in that questionnaire yesterday.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I would change the expected and accepted image of people (mostly women). A lot of folks are all hyped up about the new reality show, "The Swan," the most recent addition to the line-up of reality personal make-over shows. I need to say that these shows make me absolutely sick to my stomach, and we are to blame for that. We have defined what the perfect specimen is, and most of us will accept nothing but that perfect person - in jobs, in love, in friends.

I believe that everyone has the potential of being beautiful if they would only take care of themselves. If people took more pride in their grooming, their attitude, their presence, and their style, everyone would look glorious. I have no doubt about that.

If people are overweight and unhappy about it, they should learn to eat correctly and execise. They should find a support group and meet with it regularly to exercise, eat together and support each other if they have to.

I'm strongly against anyone going under the knife to alter their image. We were made in God's image. Is he not perfect? Did he not make us with care and love? I know that the answers are yes and yes. Are we supposed to be fat? No. Anyone who is fat, myself included, has done that on their own. Are we supposed to be old? Yes, one day we are supposed to look like we're 40, 50, 60 and 70. And some people weren't made to be D-cups.

I don't believe that anyone who opts to have surgery to "better" their image will ever be satisfied with who they are becoming because it wasn't done with any personal effort. I'm bothered that many people think otherwise. It lessens my faith in others' personal resolve. Does that even exist anymore?

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

There is no name of the day. I'm sorry. I just never saw or heard anything that caught my attention today.

Today was the best day of this week so far. I didn't have to assist. I got to be out of the office a lot because I had to do different things. AND...the greatest thing of all...I was reminded that we ARE NOT WORKING FRIDAY!!! That is my favorite news ever. I know I said that a few weeks ago, but today it was so much better because the last two days were so crappy.

On Wednesday afternoons Prudence McQueen, Muffy O'Connell and I spend the last two hours chuckling because Pouty Amalgam, the daughter of Pushy Amalgam, one of "the sisters", comes into the office. She is almost 14, and she speaks in baby talk. I promise that I'm not lying or exaggerating. She doesn't enunciate, she keeps her mouth in this sort of puckered-up position, and she whines. It is the most pitiful and disgusting thing I've ever witnessed from an almost 14 year-old. The worst thing of all, though Pushy Amalgam talks to her in the same way. I want to give both of them such a smack. Instead the terrible three, we go into the kitchen and take turns doing our best impression of Pouty and consequently laughing hysterically. It's the highlight of our Wednesday afternoons.

Sleep. It does a body good. I feel much better, but I have about two and a half hours left to wait and see what my job du jour will be. Please don't be assisting...

I kifed this questionnaire from Zannah, who got it somewhere else, because I need to put something positive up here. So without further ado...

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"...à sa table. Il a été admis à l'Académie. Admettre qqn..."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
television

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
24

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
05:35

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
05:37

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
clock and ceiling fan

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?
Around 18:45 coming home from working out.

8: Before you came to this web site, what did you look at?
this

9: What are you wearing?
pjs

10: Did you dream last night?
yep

11: When did you last laugh?
Um...I don't remember. I had a bad day yesterday. I don't think I laughed at all.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A water color of the Mt. Timpanogos temple, a painting of Jesus, a print by Thomas Kincaid (put up by my mother), and other unapproved-by-me-put-up-by-mom stuff. My room is not my own, but the first two things listed are mine.

13: Seen anything weird lately?
Umm...my dad reconstructing a lady's tooth with bread dough. Well...it looked like bread dough. It hardened up after a couple of minutes and formed a temporary tooth. It was both weird and neat.

14: What is the last film you saw?
"About a Boy"

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
Homes in Paris, New Orleans and La Jolla.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I was on the swimteam in high school.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
World peace! And I would move Tahiti and the Maldives closer to the U.S. so it didn't cost so much to get there (but people don't know that they've been moved so those places aren't suddenly the new Bahamas or something).

19: Do you like to dance?
Rarely. Only when I'm in the mood.

20: George Bush: is he really doing Dick Cheney?
Maybe it's the other way around..."secured location?"

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Elise

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Andrew

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Hell yes!

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I really hate today. I went to work out, and I'm still in a raunchy mood. I want to slay a bird or something.

Name of the day: Dolores. I dislike this name greatly. I think it's so ugly, and it means "pains" in Spanish. Ugh.

I think I know why there is a "Happy Hour" and why people partake of it in great abundance. 'Cause if I were a drinker, that's where I'd be right now. But instead, I'm going to put on my grubbies and go work out. That's the healthier thing to do.

There is this very surreal, French movie that I find to be very entertaining. It's called "Toto le héro". I'm not about to try to explain it, but there are many funny sequences in the film. One of these is a man seeing a bottle of pills and envisioning himself shoving all of the pills down another guy's throat.

This morning, I got a phone call telling me that I had to assist my dad again today. While holding the suction in one lady's mouth, I went into "Toto" mode, and I had a strong urge to shove the suction down her throat. I was brought back to reality by a call for tweezers. Oh...what I could have done with those!

Monday, April 05, 2004

Name of the day: Christian De'janae. I knew this would happen sometimes, and I fault Helmann's. They named a dijon mustard/ mayonnaise goo dijonnaise, and I always knew it would end up on some poor soul's birth certificate in a perverted form. Here she is. Yes...Christian is the name of a girl!

It gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say...
It gets me reall pissed off and it makes me wanna say, "****!" - Ben Folds


So I went to bed really late last night, around 2:30, thinking I would just get to work whenever I felt like it to do my usual job, when Ursula Braunstaen, the office manager, called this morning at 7:50 to tell me that Muffy O'Connell, the assistant, would not be there this morning and that I had to be there at 8:00 to help my dad. That didn't start the day off right. I couldn't savor my shower like I love to do. In fact, I hurt my head trying to remember my shower this morning, it was so fast. I got to work at 8:10, still groggy and barely half awake.

I'm thankful for masks when I'm assisting. When I drop something or I'm in a bad mood, the mask masks the words coming off my lips with emphatic emphasis. So, it's good being home now. I'm ready to take a nap.

Name of the day: Lavockie Jones.

I feel bad for saying that I was churched-out, but today, that's what I was. Twice a year, the LDS Church holds a general conference, where the leaders of the church address all of the members by satellite in 4, 2-hour sessions: 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. They talk about things from staying out of/paying off debt to the sanctity of marriage and family. Well, maybe I wasn't churched-out as much as I was pewed-out. I enjoy going to conference. But after both sessions today, I went with my grandmother to her church to see her choir's production of Handel's Messiah.

I love Handel's oratorio, but I believe it should only be done by trained professionals. You see, Handel has a fun and difficult musical style to sing. He likes people to just sing all over the place in an organised, controlled fashion; a fugue, if you will. Anyway, he's difficult to sing because one must have impeccable pitch control to pull it off. Most volunteer choir members don't have such a thing, and they didn't tonight.

The text for Messiah comes straight out of the Bible, and if you were to read all of the verses that make up this 3 hour+ work, it would take only a few minutes. After sitting in a hard seat for 6 hours, I hardly want to hear some lady sing "He was despised and rejected of men" out of key over and over again. Now I'm not saying the whole thing was bad. When the chorus was singing, it was great.

So now I would like to share with you some of my thoughts from this evening. I will supply the text; all you have to do is make up a tune...any tune will do. Just sing what you read, or it will be no fun. It will just seem like I'm stuttering or repeating myself. If you are tone-deaf, do it anyway. If you've never sung before, it's okay; I'm not recording you. This is going to be a hoot. It's called

karinka's Not-so-messianic Musings in G

My
My butt it hurts
My
My butt
My butt it hurts
It hurts
It hurts my butt.

Why do old people
Old people
Why do old people suck
Suck on cough drops?
Why do old people suck on cough drops?
(cough)
(cough, cough)
Cough drops?
Hard candy!

My dad
Making noise
What is that noise?
What is that crackle?
Crackling noise
My dad is making noise.
What is that crackle?
Crackling noise
Cough drop!

My dad is old!

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
My ass hurts!

Amen!

Friday, April 02, 2004

Name of the day: Normal Parm. That's the cop's name, and he was born and raised here. Why can't people give their kids normal names?! I'm sorry...I had to say it.

There is nothing like an empty house where you can just open up your lungs, pipes and mouth and belt out some notes. When my parents are gone, that's my favorite thing to do...that and pound out some old song I used to play on the piano. I don't really like people to know that I can sort of play the piano. That's why I only sort of play it when I'm by myself. I wish I were by myself more often because I quite enjoy making noise in the house. It's fun. My favorite thing, though, is when everyone's gone while I'm taking a shower, and I know they will be gone the whole time. The accoustics in my bathroom are awesome for singing. Sound just bounces off the walls, and I can drop a pretty good beat on my belly to accompany myself. I love music! Our piano really could use a tune-up.

Thursday, April 01, 2004


Dear Paul Blackthorne, Kiefer who?
Forever your girl, karinka

Names of the day: Ho, Hoare, and Whorton. These names were picked for obvious immature reasons. When I saw them, Butthead's voice popped into my head, "Huh-huh...you said, 'whore'! That was cool. Huh-huh..." Well, Ho is Chinese and the least funny of the three, but it still goes with the whore epithet. While looking through the charts of the people with these names (all women, by the way) I mentioned to my colleagues that they must have had some bad times with names that look like whore; Ho being the exception as the Chinese word for whore is probably different, and Ho doesn't really refer to a lady of the night as much as it is synonymous with bitch. I noticed on the patient information sheets that next to Whorton and Hoare were phonetic spellings of the names in all caps...like they were confirming my immaturity. "Whorton (said WORTON)." "Hoare (pronounced OAR)" I guess maybe I should feel bad because they've obviously been scarred by people like me, but I don't. Anyway, it gives me a good reason to type whore a lot and enjoy the Butthead inside my head.

Listerine is my new crack! I get such a rush when it's in my mouth, and it tingles all over for a while after that. I feel new, fresh, vibrant! I'm more confident when approaching people. Then the effects fade. I need another hit so I can face the public...keep my head up, instead of hiding behind a stick of Orbit gum that goes stale quicker than Fritos in this humid air. Actually, I think Fritos are stale from their inception, but anyway... I'm sometimes rinsing my mouth out 5-6 times a day, especially after eating Fritos. And when I'm in the checkout lines, I'm drawn to buy Listerine Pocket Packs even though I know how vile they really are! What am I doing to myself?! Fritos are disgusting!