Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Flora, Fauna, and under the weather

Good day, everyone! I’m trying to be on schedule this week because I know you have been sitting there at you keyboard hitting “reload” wondering when you are going to receive my next social commentary on this other land that I love. I really do try to get my letters out on Wednesday or Thursday, but sometimes I just don’t feel inspired.

Sunday, I spent the afternoon with the fun ladies vulgaires at the rugby match. They were in force again to root for les petits rouges et noirs. And they were armed this time with air horns. I can’t tell you what a racket that made, and I am sure that I am not the only one that noticed that the noise was made without the specified city noise hours. It was fun and always is.

Almost the whole of last week I felt like a pile of dirt. I just did not feel good, and I didn’t know why. At first I thought maybe I was doing too many crunches. Then I thought, “Okay, it’s been a couple of days since I’ve done those, and I feel worse.” So then I thought, “Well maybe it’s my lung cancer.” You know, I don’t smoke, but I saw a woman smoking the other day while walking her dog that was smoking. So I’ve contracted lung cancer from everyone else. But today, I feel much better.

So I was thinking some more. “What is different today?” And I looked into my natural refrigerator (the window sill) and saw my yogurt. It’s called “Bio” and is made by Danone, which is French for Dannon. “Bio” is supposed to be good for you because it claims to balance the intestinal flora and aid in keeping people regular. First of all I don’t want to know about flora in my intestines. And second of all, I don’t want Danone to know about flora in my intestines when I don’t know about it. But what does “Bio” have that sorts out this intestinal flora? Well, it has Bifidus, which is Latin for small, angry French man. This explains so much to me. I’ve been feeling like I was being kicked in the stomach all week, and I find out that it’s because I’ve had Bifidus in my intestine. And it’s not just any Bifidus, but the package says it is Bifidus ACTIF. So I WAS actually being kicked in the intestine. You might ask, “Why is Bifidus so mad?” But if I were a small, French man, I’d be pist, too.

Monday I was sent to my room because my not feeling well was visible. Tuesday, I was dog-tired, but I felt tons better. And today, I don’t work and slept in. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m going to see if the new Bond movie is out in Grenoble. WOOHOO!

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